It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
