I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
