guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
