oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
