I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm really busy with my period
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