he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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