just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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