there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize