I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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