Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
