No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
