She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
