Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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