its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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