I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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