My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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