Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
