im six kinds of drunk right now
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize