Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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