Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
