I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
