I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
