i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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