i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
