I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
