there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
