just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
