My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
