I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
