Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
