You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
