Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
