i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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