Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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