so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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