The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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