we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
