ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
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