I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
