just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
