Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
