You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it was like eating out sand paper
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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