just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize