He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
