dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
