After last night, I could never be a politician.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
