i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize