mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
