things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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