I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
