wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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