haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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