I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
