Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
