one word: firstdatebathroomanal
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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