Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
