Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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