I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My vagina just clenched in fear
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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