so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
