I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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