I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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