I'm going to jail i love you
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
