do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
