I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
