Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
