Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
