Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
